Muslim dating system
Muslim dating system
Many Muslim children are raised on the notion that mixing with the opposite gender is haraam. The children were separated by gender and were asked to not interact.I heard a mother tell her daughter “Good little girls don’t play with boys.” Of course, Muslim parents aren’t concerned about today’s innocent playdate but the future is what’s on their mind.
The friends cheer on the alternate life the child creates, and as a result the parent and other community members remain in the dark.I am often surprised at my Muslim friends who date with no intent of marriage.Why would they invest so much energy, time and emotion on someone they don’t have any intention to remain with?The rules state clearly: gender mixing of any kind is haraam; liking, loving or dating someone is haraam; any emotions towards the opposite gender is haraam; being curious is haraam; speaking about your emotions and desires to your parents is haraam and disappointing to your parents; talking OPENLY about sex is haraam; talking about what happens at school is haraam; being honest about your needs is haraam and shameful; if you are alone with the opposite gender–even in pubic–thats haraam; if you want to have a friend of the opposite gender, it’s haraam. In mainstream American culture dating doesn’t always lead to marriage or start off with that intent.The massive language and generational barrier has resulted in the mess we call today “dual-identity of the Muslim youth.” Parents remind their children that all the above rules can be broken when married. Ironically, the parents do NOTHING to prepare these children for marriage, and at the same time when the child is ready to be married off they make it so difficult that marriage is almost a struggle (that’s for another topic). Of course, ultimately, any couple wishes their relationship evolves to that stage, but it’s not necessary for the relationship to continue.When we equip our Muslim youth with balanced childhood where friends are of both genders, awkwardness is absent because gender relations can take many forms like friendship (not only sex as many Islamic scholars like to emphasize).
Finally: honesty, respect and Godliness are integral parts of the value system of a healthy Muslim child.Acceptance of Gender Mixing: Humans need to socialize and interact with one another. Contrary to most Islamic Scholar’s interpretation of Islamic teachings, I believe that healthy interactions among the genders is needed to build self-esteem and healthy choices in life.I sometimes wonder why scholars emphasize the importance of community values among Muslims (Jummah, Eid, visiting the sick, keeping relations with kin), yet spend most of their time speaking of the evilness of mixing with the opposite gender and the horrors that come about.ORGANICA is the personal blog of an Egyptian-American Muslim sister who calls herself, “A crazy Egyptian Muslim American girl with too many labels to count” The post below is one of her most popular and most commented-on. When parents eventually learn about their child’s alternate reality their reaction is of one of two: 1) Overreact the situation, curse and damn child to hell, take away worldly possessions such as a phone while spitting out every Quranic verse to guilt the child to stop; 2) Deny the situation entirely and never address it.Astonishingly, the latter occurs at a much higher frequency.I believe that God has commanded us to be social beings. The forms of these contacts are different in nature.